opening up about my multiple miscarriages

I decided to get more personal on my blog this time around and open up about my multiple miscarriages. My healthy baby boy is baby number three, but in the medical world, it was considered my tenth pregnancy.  I feel it is important for me to broach the subject because there are so many women that have been through the same ordeal and either have no one to talk to or don’t talk about it at all. 

In between baby number two and baby number three, I miscarried four times in a row! At one point I just wanted to give up and put my effort towards the two beautiful daughters I already had and appreciate my good fortune, but deep down I really wanted a third child, so with A LOT of patience & perseverance, it happened, and I am extremely grateful for it and proud of myself for not giving up.

Going through a miscarriage is physically and mentally difficult. You always wonder what you did wrong, what you could have done differently this time around. You constantly ask yourself why this is happening, and you can’t seem to shake the feeling that it’s your fault despite the doctor’s reassurance and your valiant efforts.

I tried many different things each time. I stopped working out, ate more alkaline, delegated my duties, took it easy any chance I could which was difficult for me because I am hands on and very involved in all I do. Yet the results remained the same.

However, no miscarriage was the same. Most of the time I bled during my 6th and 8th week. Sometimes I would just spot and then be fine for a few days, then bleed a little and then stop again. Twice I didn’t bleed at all. I would do an ultrasound at 8 weeks, then at 10 weeks and I would hear my little peanut’s heartbeat, get excited and feel that this time was the one and everything would be ok. But true enough, when I would go back at week 12 for my ultrasound…no more heartbeat. It is sad enough to miscarry, but on top of it you need a D&C (dilatation & curettage) to remove tissue in the uterus. Lovely image I know AND contrary to what is written in medical journals or on the internet, although it is not common, you CAN miscarry at 14 weeks, which I did. 

With all this happening, I couldn’t forget that I had two other children, a husband, family, friends and a social life and had to seriously think about my next step concerning baby number three. My doctor suggested I do fertility treatments which is (for those of you who don’t know) help in the form of fertility drugs, artificial insemination or In Vitro Fertilization. These procedures are very hard on the body and are also very costly. Since I was determined to have my baby naturally, I tried acupuncture. 

And it helped A LOT. Not just to get pregnant, but to relieve my stress and anxiety about the whole process. I worked with Dr. Aina Zhang at Clinique SinoCare. She prescribes her patients try a combo of getting pregnant naturally and acupuncture. Which is what she suggested I do since I had no problem getting pregnant, it was keeping the baby that was a challenge. She said to give her 3 months without the help of doctors and if it didn’t work by then, she would work in parallel with the doctors should I choose the fertility treatments. Well guess what, it worked!!! Contrary to what people believe, acupuncture is not painful or scary. Studies found that acupuncture can be used to treat both physical and mental illnesses. It is also useful for treatment of chronic diseases, helps in improving memory, boosting immune system, and in regulating hormones. It relieves headaches, back pain, joint pain, insomnia, stress and fatigue. It restores energy and increases overall stamina of the body and has no side effects. And I will also say it again, it helped me get pregnant naturally which was what I wanted. 

I was treated by Aina before, during and after my pregnancy and I am especially grateful to have worked with her after giving birth because with the four miscarriages and then an actual pregnancy and delivery, my mind body and spirit took a hit and I found myself crying all day. Well, Dr. Zhang helped reduce my crying from 6 times a day to 2 which is a win when you just had a baby, LOL. 

Jokes aside, I wanted to blog about miscarriages because this subject is one that is kept behind closed doors. But when you have the courage to open up and speak about it you realize that there are many women who have experienced the same heartache and pain. In fact, one in four woman miscarry in their first trimester. My point is that no one knows better than you what is best for your body and your current or future family. Talk to a professional or someone you love and trust about what you are going through and most important of all… do not not blame yourself for what happens. The situation may have been out of your control, but your thoughts and actions are, and staying positive and patient is the key to a successful recovery physically and emotionally and definitely the key to becoming a mother.  

Photography by Patricia Brochu